BISHSTIM¶

If my chronic illness could talk she would say ~I'M FINE~

5W¶

LITTLE MISS CHRONICALLY ILL¶

WHAT DOES CHRONIC ILLNESS FEEL LIKE¶

ABLED VS DISABLED¶

The difference between an able-bodied person and a disabled person comes down to barriers and baseline function.

An able-bodied person generally moves through the world without significant physical, cognitive, or sensory impairments that limit their daily activities or require accommodations. Their body and mind function within what society considers a "typical" range, meaning they can generally access spaces, perform tasks, and participate in activities without extra support.

A disabled person experiences impairments-physical, cognitive, sensory, or mental health-related-that impact their ability to engage n daily life without encountering barriers. These barriers can be physical (like stairs with no ramp), social(like stigma or lack of understanding), or systemic(like workplaces not accommodating different needs). Some disabled people use mobility aids, assisstive technology, or adaptive strategies, while others might deal wiith fluctuating symptoms that aren't always visible.

It's not just about what a body or brain can do, but also about how the world iss (or isn't) designed to include different ways of existing.

Symptoms of Chronic Illness include the following.

KEY WORDS¶

FLARE UPS¶

A flare-up is a sudden or gradual worsening of symptoms, often without warning. It can last for hours, days, weeks, or even longer, depending on the condition.

What a Flare-Up Feels Like Physically¶

•   Exhaustion beyond tiredness – like your limbs are filled with wet cement, and even breathing feels like effort.
•   Pain amplification – a deep, burning, stabbing, or throbbing pain that spreads like wildfire. Even light touch can feel unbearable.
•   Brain fog takeover – forgetting words, losing focus mid-sentence, or feeling like your brain is buffering.
•   Dizziness or vertigo – the world might tilt, spin, or feel unsteady.
•   Muscle weakness or spasms – sudden loss of strength or painful, uncontrollable movements.
•   Heightened sensory sensitivity – lights too bright, sounds too loud, fabrics too itchy, everything too much.
•   Flu-like symptoms – body aches, chills, feverish sensations without an actual fever.
•   Internal unrest – heart racing, skin crawling, feeling like your nervous system is glitching.

What a Flare-Up Feels Like Emotionally¶

•   Frustration – “I just want to live my life without my body betraying me.”
•   Guilt – canceling plans, feeling like a burden, worrying about work or responsibilities.
•   Hopelessness – “Will I ever feel okay again? Is this my new baseline?”
•   Resentment – watching healthy people move through life without thinking about their energy levels.
•   Isolation – unable to participate in normal activities, feeling forgotten.
•   Fear – not knowing how long it will last or if it will get worse.
•   Emotional exhaustion – beyond sadness or anger, just a deep, drained emptiness.

A flare-up can feel like your body has betrayed you, like you’re trapped inside it while it malfunctions. It’s unpredictable, unfair, and relentless.

MY BODY IS A WAITING ROOM¶

ADD VIDEO HERE

CHRONIC ILLNESS & LOSS¶

The Types of Losses We Experience¶

Chronic illness grief isn’t just about “being sick.” It’s about all the things illness steals from you—pieces of yourself, your life, and your future.

1. The Loss of Who You Used to Be

You used to be someone else. Maybe you were athletic, spontaneous, high-energy. Maybe you were a planner, someone who could commit to things without worrying about your body’s betrayal. That version of you is gone. The grief of losing yourself is one of the hardest to process.

1. The Loss of Movement & Physical Abilities

Maybe you used to dance, run, climb, or even just walk without pain. Now, your body has limits, and those limits are constantly shifting. One day you can do something, the next you can’t. The frustration of being trapped inside a body that won’t cooperate is unbearable.

1. The Loss of Relationships

Friendships fade when you can’t show up the way you used to. Some people don’t understand. Others get tired of the cancellations, the accommodations, the effort it takes to keep you in their life. Romantic relationships can suffer, too—your body might not be able to keep up with a partner’s needs, whether that’s physically, emotionally, or socially.

1. The Loss of Spontaneity & Independence

You can’t just say “yes” to plans without thinking about how your body will handle it. You have to plan rest days around events. You have to consider accessibility, energy levels, flare-ups. Spontaneity dies, replaced by careful calculation. Sometimes, you can’t even do basic things alone—grocery shopping, cooking, showering. The loss of independence is suffocating.

1. The Loss of Hobbies & Passions

Maybe you loved hiking, painting, writing, playing an instrument, traveling. Now, your body might not let you do those things in the same way. Or at all. Even if you adapt, it’s never the same. The things that once brought you joy now come with pain, frustration, or exhaustion.

1. The Loss of Financial Stability

Chronic illness is expensive. Medical bills, mobility aids, supplements, specialized treatments—not to mention the income loss from not being able to work full-time, or at all. You might have dreams and ambitions you can’t pursue because your energy and financial resources are completely drained by survival.

1. The Loss of a Predictable Future

You don’t know what your body will be like in a year, five years, ten years. Will you get worse? Will you lose more abilities? Will there ever be a treatment? The uncertainty makes it hard to dream, plan, or hope for anything long-term.

The Stages of Grief¶

1. The Pre-Grief (The Subtle Rot)

This is before the official “diagnosis” (if you even get one). You notice things slipping—fatigue that isn’t fixed by sleep, pain that isn’t fixed by rest, dizziness that isn’t fixed by food or water. You start making micro-adjustments, not realizing you’re accommodating something that’s never going away. There’s an eerie, creeping sense that your body has stopped being trustworthy.

1. Denial (Maybe It’s Just Stress?)

You gaslight yourself into oblivion. You tell yourself you’re overreacting, that everyone gets tired, that it’s just anxiety, that if you push through hard enough, it will go away. Maybe you try a juice cleanse. Maybe you pretend you’re fine while your joints dislocate mid-step. Maybe you refuse to sit in a wheelchair because “it’s not that bad.” Maybe you keep making plans your body will never let you follow through on. You fight against the limitations like they’re just a phase.

1. Anger (The Hellscape Awakens)

You wake up one day and realize that no amount of “positive thinking” is going to change the fact that your body is actively betraying you. Every doctor who dismissed you, every able-bodied person who tells you to “just exercise,” every missed opportunity, every friendship that withers under the weight of your “unreliability” fuels a deep, all-consuming rage. You are incandescent with fury. You grieve the life you were supposed to have.

1. Bargaining (What If I Fix Myself?)

You become your own scientist, your own healer, your own experiment. Maybe if you cut out gluten, if you try this supplement, if you meditate, if you beg your body to just hold it together for one more event, one more job, one more relationship—maybe it won’t be this bad. You cycle through hope and heartbreak. Every flare-up feels like a punishment for not “figuring it out.”

1. Depression (The Weight of Forever)

This is when the permanence sinks in. The realization that your body is not going to magically wake up and be “normal.” The loneliness of being unfixable. The exhaustion of explaining yourself to people who will never understand. The quiet, creeping desire to disappear, not necessarily out of a dramatic need to die, but simply because existing in this body is just too much.

1. Acceptance (The Messy, Non-Final Surrender)

Acceptance isn’t about being at peace with it—it’s about knowing your body is a shifting landscape of limitations and possibilities, and that you have to live around it. It’s about adapting without constantly grieving. It’s about making a home inside an unpredictable body. Some days, you can laugh at the absurdity of it. Some days, you mourn all over again. But you stop waiting to be “fixed.” You exist, in whatever way you can, and that has to be enough.

And then, on a random Tuesday, the cycle starts over again. Chronic illness grief is not a five-stage journey with a finish line. It’s a lifelong loop, sometimes slow, sometimes suffocating, but always there.

Chronic illness grief isn’t a linear process—it’s cyclical, layered, and often tied directly to physical symptoms. Some days, you feel like you’ve “accepted” your reality, only to be yanked back into denial or anger when your body fails you in a new way.

How the Cycle Restarts¶

The grief cycle doesn’t follow a predictable schedule, but it often gets triggered by:

1.  Flare-ups – You thought you were doing okay, managing things, maybe even having a “good” streak. Then a flare hits like a truck, and suddenly, you’re back in anger or bargaining, desperate to understand why it happened and how to stop it from happening again.

2.  Hormonal cycles – If you menstruate, the grief can intensify around your cycle. Hormones impact pain, fatigue, inflammation, and mood, so the days leading up to or during your period might bring a resurgence of depression, hopelessness, or frustration at your body’s unpredictability.

3.  New symptoms or progression – You’ve learned to live with your current limitations, and then something new breaks down. Maybe your pain levels increase, your mobility decreases, or a new co-morbidity joins the party. Suddenly, you’re grieving all over again.

4.  Loss of an opportunity – A trip you have to cancel, a job you have to turn down, a social event you have to miss. Each time, it feels like a fresh wound.

5.  Medical gaslighting or failed treatments – Every time a doctor dismisses you, every time a new treatment doesn’t work, every time you have to advocate just to be believed—it’s another reminder of how much harder your life is than it should be.

The cycle doesn’t just “restart” when these things happen; it mutates. You might return to denial in a different way “Maybe I’m not that sick”, or your anger might become more internalized “Maybe I deserve this”. The grief doesn’t reset—it deepens, reshapes, and carves out new spaces in you.

How Physical & Emotional Grief Connect¶

The body and mind are not separate in this. Your emotional grief isn’t just about the physical symptoms—it is a symptom. Chronic pain and fatigue drain your ability to process emotions. Inflammation impacts mood. The nervous system dysregulation of chronic illness means you’re constantly in fight-or-flight, which fuels anxiety, rage, and despair.

It’s all connected: • Physical pain triggers emotional exhaustion and depression.

•   Chronic fatigue strips away energy for socializing, causing isolation and loneliness.

•   Brain fog makes you feel useless, incompetent, like you’re losing yourself.

•   Mobility loss or physical weakness makes you feel helpless and worthless.

•   Every flare-up reminds you that you’re not in control, feeding into hopelessness and fear.

@dr.cal.ur.science.pal @dr_cal_ur_science_pal: This video summarises the paper “Inflammation-induced histamine impairs the capacity of escitalopram to increase hippocampal extracellular serotonin,” J. Neurosci. 2021 #science #medicine #phd #biology #neuroscience #sick #lab #doctor ♬ original sound - dr_cal_ur_science_pal

Living in the Loop

There is no “final stage” of grief in chronic illness. You don’t just “accept” it and move on. Some days, you might feel like you’ve reached a place of peace, and then your body betrays you again, pulling you back under. You cycle through these emotions constantly—sometimes in a matter of hours, sometimes stretched over months.

But here’s the thing: Every time you cycle through, you learn a little more about yourself. You learn how to mourn without falling apart completely. You learn how to exist inside the grief without letting it consume you. Some days, you laugh at the absurdity of it all. Some days, you fantasize about disappearing.

Both are valid. Both are part of survival.

SPOON THEORY¶

What is Spoon Theory

@thesickshow Spoon theory :) 🥄 I’ve also seen neurodivergent people use this!! It’s a great metaphor and the creator has a website: butyoudontlooksick.com go check it out! 🥰❤️‍🩹🥄 #spoonie #spoontheory #spoontheoryexplained #chronicillness #disability #disabled #hEDS #ehlersdanlos #neurodivergent ♬ Chill in a good mood, calm and fun(1263486) - zukisuzuki

@_jemma_bella The spoon theory throughout the week 🫠🥄 . . . #fyp #chronicillness #invisibleillness #mentalhealth ♬ Hard Times - Paramore

WTF IS IT??¶

@bishgosh cooking up a batch of fresh bioplasma💦💦 it’s soooo conductive !!! yay me⭐️⭐️⭐️ #bioplasma #biodesign #biomaterials #textiles #fashiondesigner #bio #electric ♬ Let him cook x Imperius on all platforms - Caleb

COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE¶

BIOPLASMA!!! My bio-plasma-infused PEMF wearable is unlike anything on the market because it goes beyond traditional TENS and chronic illness wearables by integrating bio-plasma with conductive copper textiles, amplifying the body’s natural conductivity and optimizing nerve stimulation. Unlike standard TENS units that rely on surface-level electrical pulses, my design targets deeper meridian points and autonomic nervous system balance, delivering a more precise, sustained, and holistic neuromodulation experience. The infusion of bio-plasma enhances signal efficiency, reducing energy loss and making treatment more effective while remaining lightweight, flexible, and wearable throughout daily life. For people with chronic illness—who often experience unpredictable symptoms, hypersensitivity, and limited treatment options—this innovation offers a seamless, adaptive, and non-invasive way to regulate pain, fatigue, and nervous system dysfunction in real time. It’s not just a wearable; it’s a complete reimagination of bioelectronic medicine, giving people control over their own healing in a way that has never been possible before.

REF & INSPO¶

Research into wearable bioelectromagnetic therapies like acupuncture, hypnosis, biofeedback andd meditation therapies, and transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulators (TENS) (I own and experiment with the Dolphin Neurotism Device) and PEMF therapy for nerve stimulation and muscle recovery. Examples of successful wearable health tech solutions include Truvaga Device, Apollo Neuro. Existing smart textiles and wearables using conductive materials and their performance in healthcare applications. Examples being Keshe Foundation Bio Plasma Suits, X-bionic. Sustainable approaches to e-textiles and textile circuit integration. Traditional Chinese medicine principles (meridian and nerve points).

MOODBOARD¶

TIK TOK EDUCATION¶

@autoimmune.babe Autoimmune babes, can you relate to this? #autoimmunehealing #sclerodermawarrior #morphea #linearmorphea #linearmorpheatok #autoimmunebabe #autoimmunedisease #CREST #crestsyndrome #lupuswarrior #lupusawareness💜 #raawareness #rawarrior ♬ original sound - Gianna | Autoimmune.Babe

@dr.stoychev ADHD, the menstrual cycle, and PMDD #adhd #adhdinwomen #adhdtiktok #adhdadult #pmdd #premenstrualdysphoricdisorder #hormones ♬ original sound - Dr. Stoychev | Mental Health

@docbeckyck Sometimes these symptoms can go unnoticed!! Regulating your nervous system would help to reduce your cortisol levels✨🍃 📍Follow for daily cortisol and nervous system regulation tips #cortisol #cortisolimbalance #hormoneimbalance #highcortisol #fightflightfreeze #nervoussystemregulation #nervoussystem #nervoussystemhealing #healingjourney #healing #stressrelief ♬ original sound - Spotifysongs

@plutodeluxe

the high functioning low functioning thing is dependent on societal standards on what makes you useful. You still have needs regardless of how high functioning you are

♬ original sound - Pluto

@nicole.bendayan Would this be considered a coincidence? 🤔 Women have been marginalized when it comes to our heath & heath care. Unfortunately for many, this often comes at the expense of their heath. There are a lot more studies coming out regarding women’s health and taking the menstrual cycle into account, but there is still a long way to go. That’s why I believe that the best thing that you can do for your health is to become an active participant in your health care by learning about how your cycle impacts you (every day, not just on your period). In fact, I believe it so strongly that I’ve dedicated my career to helping women do just that. Now don’t get me wrong, we need conventional medicine and prescription medication saves lives. But when you are an active participant in your health care you can make sure you’re actually getting CARE for your actual HEALTH, not just a band aid solution, dismissed or years of trial and error until something helps. 🙃 When so many aspects of the world work against us, it’s up to you to learn your body, the fundamentals of nutrition (because it’s how practically every cell in our body functions) & holistic wellness, as well as to advocate for ourselves and a better future for the women after us. I’m about to share a project with you all soon to help you not only become an active participant in your health care but actually revive your cycle & systems naturally, so keep a look out! Do you have any experiences with this “coincidence”? Let us know in the comments because I promise you, you’re not alone! 🫶🏼 #stitch with @Kabba Gabba #medicalgaslighting #womenshealth #periodproblems #womeninbusiness #womenempoweringwomen #womenentrepreneurs ♬ original sound - Nicole | Women’s Health

@respect_victoria "I am really good at hiding pain.” As Larissa shows us, people living with disability and chronic illness are often taught to mask their reality for the comfort of others. Doing so can send the message that people with disability have less of a right to live in safety. How can you listen to and support people with disability in a way that demonstrates they are worthy of safety and respect? #AgencyAccessandAction #womenwithdisabilitiesvictoria #respectvictoria ♬ original sound - Respect Victoria

@emmasmindovermatter You’re not lazy, you’re doing the best you can 💜 #executivedysfunction #adhdparalysis #adhdcheck #freezemode ♬ original sound - Rachel

@microcatmachine Replying to @Trioxin_Trixie POTS affects the entire body. #PotSyndrome #SignsOfPots #DysautonomiaAwareness ♬ Ncah Nen Hormus - DJ LALA Remix - RUDY

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